Say, for example, you’re growing up. And your dad says, “Paul, it’s time you had some more responsibility. From now on, you’re doing the dishes.” And you say to yourself, “self, you know how to do dishes, this should be a cakewalk.” And you do the dishes. And your dad says, “Paul, you’re doing the dishes wrong.” So you do the dishes another way. And your dad says, “Paul, you’re doing the dishes wrong.” And so you do the dishes another way. And your dad says, “Paul, you’re doing the dishes wrong.” And so you say, “dammit, Dad, how the hell am I supposed to do the dishes?” And your dad says, “Christ, son, I don’t need to hold your hand. You’re a smart kid. You can figure it out.” And so you do the dishes again. And your dad says, “Paul, you’re doing the dishes wrong.”
Or say you have a job, which you like, with a boss, who is borderline retarded. And he puts you in charge of filing. So you file things, in alphabetical order. And your boss comes in, and says, “why are you filing things like that,” and you say, “well, that’s how everyone else in the world alphabetizes things.” And your boss says, “well, yeah, but we should translate everything into Sanskrit, and then alphabetize them, backwards.” And you say, “I’m not sure that’s such a good idea,” and he says, “I’m the boss, I say you do it in Sanskrit, backwards.” So you do. Three weeks later, you’re at a staff meeting, and everyone is saying, “we can’t find anything in the file cabinet,” and your boss is all, “well, Paul, why can’t anyone find anything,” and you say, “well, hell, it’s because everything is alphabetized backwards, and in Sanskrit,” and your boss says, “why the hell did you do that?”
Or say you go on a date, with a girl who likes comedies, and sushi, and ice cream. And for dinner you take her to a sushi restaurant, and she says, “oh, I don’t like this sushi restaurant, I like that one over there.” So you take her to that sushi restaurant over there. And then you take her to a comedy, at a nice movie theatre, and she says, “oh, I don’t like this comedy, I like that comedy, and I don’t like this movie theatre, I like that theatre over there.” So you take her to that comedy, at that theatre over there. And then you take her for ice cream, and she says, “oh, I don’t like this ice cream, I’d rather have soft serve,” so you buy her some soft serve. And when you’re done, you ask her if she had a nice time, and she says, “It was okay—but I prefer dramas, and steak, and cheesecake, AND YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT.”
Also, imagine that you live in a jurisdiction where it’s illegal to choke the life out of someone.
What do you do?
Current Mood: Despair. Oh, the despair.
Current Music: Mountain Goats, "No Children."